Tight Spot: Siete-Uno Siete-Uno Seiz

Again, the same feeling of frustration, disappointment, inadequacy and incompetence overwhelmed me today. I am beat and I feel so small. No one has a right to incriminate a person. No person should ever do that to anyone. I strongly believe insensitivity is a peccadillo towards another. I was three feet to people who were talking about me. Why can’t you not tell it to my face? Cowardice is inappropriate in circumstances, this one especially! Are you being modest? Do you think I would break? Well fuck you for making me feel so inferior in my own country! Belittling me in my own motherland is such an insult I cannot take. I can speak for all my fellow Filipinos by saying that!
You have been the most egotistical person I have ever met. Guess what? I know a lot of things, better than the knowledge you think you have, I am just practicing humility. If you say you do not mean it, I would not consider it. You hurt my feelings, what I feel is what I feel and I am entitled to that. That is the subjectivity of emotions my friend! I will always remember this day — the day you have desecrated my being from confronting to a fellow colleague (the colleague was very nice to me though). This is the first time I feel like I don’t belong. I shouldn’t feel this way! I should never! In my own country?! Although not in my birthplace but still – my own country for Christ sake! I don’t know why I’m here but somehow I try to find purpose in all things. I am trying to see the bright side of this. Maybe He has a better purpose. I certainly hope so. I feel so down and bad in so many ways I cannot imagine. I’m far from family, as I have said I am not in my birthplace, the place where I really live, the place I called home but I’m still in Philippines for God’s sake! I hope to find an ample amount of good friends here but I got were mere competitions. People who are certainly insecure and inadequate with their lives. I found a few good ones though, people that are worth investing of relationships for.  But they are few and I don’t get to see them always as I would want to build that good connection with them. May they be blest with all the goodness in life. Well as for the others, may they be blest too.

I hope I can find a light to everything here. With all the things I have been through recently, I easily get down and disappointed with myself. I usually look at the internal locus of control in every situation but sometimes it is not always you. No matter how better you treat others, no matter how large the amount of humility you show some individuals will surely be a factor. I also hope I can go home early. Maybe this emotion I am feeling is intensified with home sickness. God I miss home. My family, mother’s cooking, my brother’s jokes even my father’s snores. I wish my next few weeks will be better. Please God make it be better.

Please.. please..

Wrapping up 2013 and welcoming 2014 with a baamm via Instagram!

So does it rhyme? haha.. Well, I’m wrapping my 2013 through my instagram posts! 🙂

🙂

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-The waiting selfie for the flight to Japan at Ninoy International Airport, my 2nd travel to Japan, April 2013.

still USJ! #japan2.0

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#throwbackThursday #nootherpictothrowbackto haha USJ April 2013

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-Spring, April 2013, Universal Studios Japan

@jpypesseva 's operation was a success.. #thankful

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-When I came back to the country my brother was immediately operated due to his hernia. Thank God it was successful. Thanks to Dr. Jonathan Go and Maam Yvette for helping me with my brother’s papers for the operation.

Thursday reviews (2) w @joannajanna at Starbucks Ayala Terraces

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-by May my close friend Joanna Marie and I reviewed for our comprehensive exam for graduate school, Thursday nights with her were well spent review or not.. haha

I try my best to be the best friend I can be. #sentifridays

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-this girl has been my companion for almost every week of this year – Joanna Marie

My birthday is still on Monday but Thank you so much to my HR family @ CHH!

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-then my birthday! June 24th

This year's best emote was last August at Hale Manna.. haha

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-relaxing in the house of positive vibes at Hale Manna, Moalboal Cebu, last July

Actually, I'm addicted to the book! #mortalinstrumentsseries Cassandra Clare you're the best!!

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-since my operation of my impacted tooth last September, sorry got no photo of it, I got addicted to YA books and this one’s the 1st I’ve been addicted to. The Mortal Instruments series and I also watched the movie too

#movienight #cousins @hellohanscebu @jpypesseva

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-movie night with cousins

I got crazy with the books! Now Im on book2 #Insurgent. Can't wait for Divergent movie this 2014!!

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Divergent – although I've read all the books, I'm going to read book 1 again! #obsessed

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-another YA book I got crazy about! ha!

Recent books at my epub book shelve!

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-this was my epub book shelf for YA books.. lol

Remember the name Ragnar Lothbrok! #Vikings #TravisFimmel Can't wait for season2!!

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-and Yes, I got crazy with Vikings too! History channel is the best!!

Reposted! #BangonPilipinas #cebu #tacloban #visayas

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-and of course I prayed for my country and still am.. Typhoon Haiyan or Yolanda as we call it put us in history of damages.. 😦  We are still recovering.

@ramlim #latepost #kffmeeting

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-reunited with my co-scholars at KFF, December 2013

Happy Birthday Jesus! Happy Holidays everyone! 😉

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-Merry Christmas! ❤

Learnes so many words this week. It doesn't stop — learning.. So take the journey! #imagereposted

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-I’m ready for the journey!

Happy New Year everyone! #love #love #love #life #live #vivalavida #bebrave

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Happy New Year! I hope it summed up all! I am so ready for 2014! Kick it up year of the horse!

And let me say it this time, “Be Brave” everyone! 🙂

Mamba 24, The birthday blog

Last year 2012, I named my birthday album on facebook ‘Air Jordan 23’ because of the obvious reason that I just turned 23 and Michael Jordan a.k.a Air Jordan’s jersey number is 23. I am a big fan including the boys in my family from my father, uncles and down to my brother.

This year, I am a year older, a year wiser and hopefully better. So turning 24, I have decided to name my album ‘Mamba 24’ and so as this blog. I am a big fan of Kobe Bryant or better known for his screen name ‘Black Mamba’. Another thing is that his jersey number is 24, so I decided to continue the basketball sort of theme for my birthday albums.  I cut down the word ‘black’ because it’s a birthday theme and I really do think all birthdays must be on bright celebratory colors. I do love black as a color because it signifies intelligence and professionalism but this birthday just seems to be of pastel colors for me. Aside from this theme etymology, I’m a Lakers fan so as my closest friends and I really do want to go to LA. My American west coast dream is LA while the east counterpart is NY! Too fancy? Well you only get to dream for free, make the most of it! The sky is the limit!

So back to my birthday, I just turned 24 last 24th of June. On my plus one I contemplated on the things that I have achieved in my 24 years of existence. Actually, it wasn’t hard to think about. Here’s my milestone.

  • I graduated college
  • Got my first job which lasted for 2 months because I reasoned out graduate school
  • So yes, I went to graduate school! (I still am!)
  • Became a part-time barista at Starbucks while attending grad school
  • After a year of practicing the art of espresso, I quit and practiced my field in  human resources and worked as a Training Assistant
  • Now I’m currently doing my reviews for my upcoming comprehensive exam this August

And oh, I’ve traveled  twice in one country, Japan on 2009 and very recently this April 2013.

So far, these were my achievements — it goes on of course! God has so may plans for me, I know it!

Aside from all these achievements I have also learned to be more realistic. When you become older you get to see and view things differently. In my case I always do reality checks, some would say that I’m being negative but for me I’m just avoiding the possible ways of falling down. In life we don’t always have to take risks all the time. That is why we go to school to help hone our decision making skills and through experiences we get to use them. If we fail, we make sure we will learn from those mistakes. But we always have a choice, we just hope we made the right one.

I believe I also became more patient and understanding. I realized how big of an influence my mother is to me that I now get to understand the things she always tells me when I was a teenager. As a young adult, I hope I can make the most of the learnings I got from family, friends. Graduate school greatly helped me at work. I found out that theory is nothing without application and experience is always the best teacher. I always make sure I am being positive but I also don’t forget to be realistic.

The best birthday gift I have received is peace of mind and not all people realize that it is the only thing they need. I hope I could share it.

Here’s a little celebration of my birthday!

birthday cake!

birthday cake!

My office cake with my name wrongly misspelled! It's JOUANA guys!

My office cake with my name wrongly misspelled! It’s JOUANA guys!

bday1

My folks in a little celeb at my house! (2nd pic is blurry!) 🙂

Cheers! ❤

Jouana 🙂

A Whole New World

It has been years since I have danced in front of many people. The kind of formal dancing where you’ve been watched in a stage by a crowd of expectants.  I remember it well I was in high school since my last formal dance. In college there were just play-ground demonstrations and physical education dance exams—which is the non-formal dance just for the grades thing.

So back in high school I was a part of dance group with which is very famous in the public sector who usually does cultural dances in government schools and programs. It has a very culturally unique name under the roof of also a famous school (well at least in the public sector). I don’t really know how I got to be part of it, all I know is that I gave up being a girl scout because being part of the group brings me an advantage in going to college.

Being a part of the group was not easy. I had to cope up with the culture of my fellow dancers which was very different with what I was brought up. It was during that time that the gay-lingo was flourishing. I learned that too, just to keep up. But back then I was not the person with the very strong personality like I have now (yes, experience is still the best teacher! ) During that time, I consider myself an underdog, for I am not a natural dancer. I had to learn everything. Usually when the group recruits dancers its not mostly because he or she is good in dancing but of how they think he or she would look like in the stage. Yes, it is the usual stereotyping in physical attractiveness. But it doesn’t mean they do favor you and give you all the nicest dances for you to perform. Dancing is still an art and the best dances would always be given to the best-est  dancers. Well for me, I usually get not some of the nicest but I already consider it a favorable one.

What I like being a part of the group is that I get to places and dance in crowds of famous people. And now after years since high school, I get to dance again. It’s a completion in the company I am affiliated with, which I joined in last January 2012. I usually dance by myself at home. This one is tough because aside from dancing with other people (officemates/company mates) my former dance troupe fellow was one of our choreographers. I hate to say this but his concepts are much alike with the steps we had back then. Although he was one of the people I had to cope up with but when it comes to dancing, he doesn’t get to choose his dances too. It was nice to catch up with Eda again after years.

The dance was pretty challenging because the theme was Disney and our group was given ‘Aladdin’ to portray. Another challenge is that a year ago 2011, the Admin group, the group I belong to was the champion.

I am so proud to say that we won the grand prize 200k php! haha 🙂

Because we believe in fairytales!!

So here’s a glimpse of ‘Magical Disney’ (December 15, 2012).

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a view of the stage with LCD background

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my folks backstage 🙂

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special characters: Aladdin, Abu, Gennie and Jasmine

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the management in their Disney costumes! 🙂

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yours truly in my famous Arabian pose! ❤

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the girls with Eda (my former dance mate)

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table setting

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you liked it! 🙂