An Interview With An Ugly Lady

The interviewer began to tell me I’m bitter, when I answered her question about why I’m still single. I told her it’s a decision I made and one I thought to be better that being in a relationship.

She asked to herself, why is this generation like this? The “not going to get married yet” generation, she added. The interview then escalated to questions about my love life. It was more scrutinizing than the actual interview questions. I have been a human resources practitioner for 13 years now and I know for a fact that personal questions shouldn’t be this deep.

You see, I don’t really want to discuss my love life (if we can still consider not having one a ‘love life’). It always makes me feel uncomfortable. I became uneasy with her scrutiny. Did I have previous relationships? she asked. Anyone close to me would know the answer for sure but that answer wouldn’t actually be the same as mine. Have I had romantic relationships? I would say, yes, I do. The caveat is that those I considered relationship is non-committal. I have not introduced them to any friend or family as my so-called boyfriend or lover. Maybe because I am conflicted in introducing them or maybe if I do, it will make it somewhat official. Maybe I am not sure of them to be introduced to the people close to me. Maybe I don’t really want something official. Maybe it’s just me.

Going back to my interview, she asked if there was a ‘bold’ thing that I have done.

“What’s the boldest thing that you have ever done in your life?”.

I paused. I cannot think of any. If there was, I can’t seem to recall it. I went blank. Is this a Miss Universe Q&A? When she realized the pause, she snapped another question.

“Are you still a virgin?”

I was taken aback. I was still thinking about what that bold decision was, then she asked me another shocking question.

Why does my virginity had to be discussed? What does the elasticity of my hymen had to do with the job I was applying for?

I gave her an answer. She asked me another question I cannot remember because I was still processing why I entertained that previous question. I should be very mad she asked it but my desperation to get a job won. I have to be very polite and controlled in this situation.

She seemed unsatisfied with me. She then told me, “Tell me something about you that’s interesting, cause I don’t find you interesting at all. You answered all my questions so well.”

I answered your questions so well? You mean the questions you asked that were related to the job I’m aiming for? So, this was a test of character, I thought. What does she really want to know?

Another series of questions went on and she asked about my friends. Scrutinizing as always. I had a feeling she thinks I’m a lesbian because she brought it up.

 “I have more gay friends than lesbian friends”, I told her.

She asked me about my parents and my upbringing. It got me teary-eyed almost to the part of breaking but I controlled my emotions. Taking about my family is a touchy subject. She listened to me though and asked clarifying questions in between.

She told me, “Now I find you interesting.”

The rest of her words were now floating in my head. I had a feeling this conversation is about to end. I smiled, agreed and nodded. I couldn’t really comprehend the rest when she dismissed the interview. I stayed polite and thanked her for her time. I was a floating Dracula when I went out the room. Couldn’t be happier to leave the office she was in.

I don’t know what happened, if I can get the job or not. If ever I did, would I still want it? Some of her questions were offensive. Did I allow myself to be treated that way? I guess I did.

All I know is that with that conversation, at least I know how to be prepared on my next interviews. I shouldn’t be that inferior next time. Now, I get to learn how to answer shocking interview questions. As an HR practitioner, I have never asked too personal questions to an applicant. The interviewer was much experienced than me, she should have known better. She’s on her 50s I believe. She was clearly power tripping. She boasted about the companies she holds and can throw people anywhere they fit in those companies. I just don’t understand why some of those questions had to be asked though.

I told myself this is a learning experience and I inhaled into the nose and exhaled to the mouth.

I promised myself it will never happen to me again.

Occupational Mirrors: Points in Life

As I reflect on myself and my current situation at work, where I deal with people in their early to middle 20’s, I have come to see the differences of maturity. Most of them are inexperienced, when I say that, I mean by work experiences. I have been working since I was 20 years old. This is the age I officially became an employee. I had worked before reaching 20 of course, although not full time, it greatly helped me financially. I had my share of putting up with people just to have some cash. When I first started working, I accepted a scholarship to proceed to graduate school. It was a very generous offer, one I could not refuse. So I balanced working full-time while studying on a nine-unit course per semester in graduate school for the first time.

Although I am not yet in my thirties, good thing I still have a few more years to get there. I have learned many things in the professional world. It is true that when you start working early, everything you’ve learned will get shoved at your head. You will learn a few tricks along the years (yes, good and bad tricks!).  You will learn to improvise and assess from situations you have encountered. You will have your ups and downs and eventually cope up.  To get me with day to day, I typically reflect on good books, blogs and inspirational people and I have come across Paulo Coelho’s blog. He presented 25 important points in life on his September 2014 post. So with this, as I reopen my blog for a comeback since my long year hiatus, I would like to share each points together with my own personal insights. Reflecting not just on work but also in life itself.  I will take these points one by one and at random since Coelho also never mentioned an order for it.

So the first point I am going to share is quite related to my opening is this;

Every experience, either good or bad, comes with a lesson.
“There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them. But they are there for a reason. Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there.” –Paulo Coelho, paulocoelhoblog; September 3, 2014

This point may sound a cliché to some but it is very true to its words. Difficult situations happen to people — whether you are considered a good person or not. It may be an ironic situation to some,  like finding out you have lung cancer when you do not drink or even lit a cigarette. Another circumstance would be the classic ‘having stood up’ on your wedding day.

These moments allow you to reassess your life. It definitely hurts, make you angry and you probably think you do not deserve it or if you are that pessimistic you might think that God is punishing you. There are reasons for everything that happens to you – to us. You might not see it immediately; not until you fully accept the situation you are in.

Take for example the job I had about 8 years ago.  I never expected to like it or even enjoy it. It was just a convenient job for me. I have become to love it and also the people that comes with it. I had to let it go because they had to let me go too due to technicalities at human resources. I feel so bad, why it happened to me. I had to leave the work immediately and the co-workers I love to work with. Every day not working felt like withdrawals from substance abuse. I felt so angry and not treated fairly; why they had to let me go and that I had to let go. But then it made me realize that losing that job was sort of a blessing. I can solely focus on graduate school – allowed me the chance to excel. I got to know more about my classmates whom are very awesome by the way and are now my very good friends. Turns out it was a good break.  After that I found a job that fairly suited a balance of working full time while doing graduate school and got a very supportive boss too.

The key is only when you have understood and accepted it, then comes the learning from it. Of course you have to take in the process. Honor your emotions. Take each step slowly, one at a time and always remember that time is your ally.

This is just 1 of 25, next points will be on the next entry!

🙂